Behind Closed Doors

Many people continue to ask me about Keegan's food issues so I thought it deserved its own blog post today.

To catch some of you up, Keegan was diagnosed with Failure to Thrive (FTT). Basically, this means that he does not consume enough calories to grow like he should; his weight was stunted for awhile and he's never even been on the growth curve. I'm not sure what he weighs now because I don't want the pressure of numbers hovering over me, but I'd guess around 25 lbs. Why doesn't he eat enough?

1. He has sensory/texture issues which give him an actual fear of foods. Think about how you feel when you hear fingernails on the chalkboard; this is 'sensory overload' for many of us. Keegan often has the same reaction to new foods. When a very small piece of pasta was on his hand last week, he cried out in absolute despair, "Get it off me!! Plllleeeasssee get it off me!" as if the pasta were a leech, sucking the life out of his little body.

2. He's very strong-willed..... like his mommy.

3. He is just a very active child who doesn't like to take the time to eat..... like his daddy.

4. He had reflux his first year of life which created a negative association with food (ie: "When I eat, it hurts."). He learned to get by on little food.

Each day, each meal, each bite is often a battle. People don't really know what happens behind closed doors. I'll give you a peek inside. They don't see that yesterday, for example, lunch was a 2 hour process (and the victory was that he tasted a tiny, tiny bite of lunchmeat ham). They don't see the tears running down my cheeks meal after discouraging meal. They don't see the island that I am often on because outsiders do not understand and simply think I have a 'picky' child. On the other hand, they also might not see that I am filled with God's grace in all of this. I am able to see that we have a happy, energetic and overall healthy boy who brings joy to our home each day. I am able to see how God answers prayers and how God continues to give me much-needed patience at the dining room table. This trial has certainly brought me closer to God.

As for where we are today.... we've sort of gone backwards in progress since Kennedy was born. I simply don't have time each meal to work with him like I want to. I don't have time for food standoffs like yesterday, waiting for a stubborn child so give in. But, this week it hit me that he'll be starting preschool in the fall and among other things he just has to be eating food by then. So, I'm re-entering the battlefield this week and getting strict about food again. I'm strict about what he puts into his mouth and when. It has to be a constant, consistent process to see results. Also, his occupational therapy ended when he turned 3 in December so I'm doing 'therapy' on my own now. I actually have considered writing up some type of book with all the things I've learned from therapists and/or have come up with my own to help other moms with similiar issues. Be looking for my book on shelves at your local Borders soon (kidding). :)

So, that's our story and where we are today. I am thankful for all the friends and family who ask about Keegan and show concern and love. Please continue to keep us in your prayers!

I'll try to make the next blog post a little more fun since this one was more of a downer! :)